Loves Painful Price

There's this hollow space
Deep down Inside my chest
Only her heartbeat can fill that place
But still my soul won't rest
The days seem so much longer
Time has forgotten how to fly
There isn't much I can do
But count hours that pass by
Everything around me is just so still
The air I breathe is thick and heavy
My surroundings are moving slow
And my heart beat is very unsteady
This empty place in my arms
So many have sought to lay
There is one person they want to warm
For them there is no other way
Its only been a few months
Still my heart counts them as years
And my eyes won't let me cry
So the rain becomes my tears
In my mind this is to much to bear
The distance is so great
But my heart seems no to care
It attempts to stay unaware
Even through the undeniable pain
I can see there's nothing more to lose
But there's also so much to gain
While I'm stuck here physically
Playing this time game
Emotionally I'm falling apart
Goin nearly insane
But after a day spent longing
i just want to hear her voice
That's the only comfort I can ask
There really isn't another choice
And tomorrow ill awake
And feel this pain for another day
but if it means i can find her and her love
Its a price that ill gladly pay.

Dear Diary,

lately ive been relying on you.
to hear my pain. feel my fears.
i tell you the secrets i dare not mention
and you hold them without complaint

its funny that i can barely trust me
but i completely trust you
you with no reason to hurt me
also with no reason to love me
but faithfully, you come to my aid

to my Diary.
in some alternate world
yu belong to me and i belong to you
and the hurt and pain we share in this world
cease to exist.
in some alternate world
we are the perfect romance
with the perfect beginning and perfect ending.
but in that alternate world
we'd mean so much less to each other.
&& ii love my Diary so.
what we have here..is so much more
i'll hold you close to my heart
as long as you reach out and touch it.

thank you. my dear Tiary. =]

Beauty Destroyed

Ill start at the end
Since I don’t know where to begin
Tears. I cried
Nights and days passed me by
She denied
My plea
With her is where I want to be.
But she is skeptical of me
Blame. I take it
Pain dealt, now I deal
And now I rely on the power of will.

Months of three
I spent thinking
Contemplating
Concentrating
Re-evaluating my re-evaluations
Trying to resolve
My feelings too involved
But my problem was solved

It was the breaking point
With the most tragic end
Instead you felt my lies
that were the truth
I was telling you that I was in love with her
But not saying that I had fallen helplessly for you
I gave you kisses that meant tomorrow
You slept in my arms saying goodbye
I knew that if I continued this
Parts of us would die
But I pushed time
Something so thin, not infinite
And I went too far
A second too late. An hour to broad
A day short. A heart lost.

She gave me time. SHE made no effort.
I wanted to love HER. She was waiting for me
Running down two halls
Both doors moving farther away
And I shutdown
Inside my four chambered prison I drowned
The silence was loud
The loud was silent
Breathing was hard
But I knew I loved you.
And instead of holding you close
I watched you slip away
I crumbled. I fell
I failed.

This is the part
Where I realized
That I would rather tell her the truth
Than tell a lie to her eyes
I loved HER. I loved you too.
I was falling out, but in with you.
I was afraid. Didn’t know what to do.
I should have told you
But how could I say in love with two.

It was beautiful
There was air to breathe
Room to see
And everything as it should be
Should have been
I wish you could have seen
The love we exuded
and SHE was excluded
never a thought. not even included
It was just us
Nothing else to discuss

From the first moment we spoke
It was never a joke
She listened, I confided.
She was there, SHE was elsewhere
She was what I needed
I felt the spark
And this here, is the start
Of a Beauty Destroyed by a wavering heart.

Undeserving

--------I dont deserve a second chance
i should have been crossing these mountains the first time.
instead ii slept at the foothills.
i should have been sprinting across the plains
instead ii dragged my feet and took my time.
i should have been fighting the oceans current
instead ii let the waves carry me.
--------does my lack to do then
--------redeem me to be undeserving now?
you dont trust me now like you did then.
you dont love me now like you did then.
you dont look at me the same as you did then.
you dont hold me the same as you did then.
--------isnt this punishment enough?
--------or is there a second on slaught coming?
is there no room in your heart to forgive me?
maybe if i try hard enough, ii can fit myself there.
admitting im wrong isnt enough.
apologizing does nothing.
promises are hard to believe.
even my presence is a bit much to percieve.
--------arent i still here?
--------trying through every rejection.
you keep pushing me away.
maybe i should let you be.
but i care too much, to just leave.
so ill take each blow to my chest.
with no complaints.
continue to embrace my pain
without it, id know i didnt care.
and ill keep trying until i can bear no more.
--------i should have gotten it right the first time
--------but even after all this, am i really undeserving?

The Pressure

my hand grasping at my chest
i cant feel it.
my heart,
it wont beat.
its like holding my breath for eternity.
ii can feel the pressure weighing down on me.
ii can feel the hole in my soul opening.
im struggling to keep it closed
while choking back tears.

its hard. so hard. bein in love that is.

Painful Solace

In the midst of my anger
a dam of tears waiting to spill
a piercing anguish of being so close to your heat
you allow me to wrap my arms around you.
in this place i find solace.

the shyness of my words
hidden like air.
against the boldness of
scorching honesty.
in this place i find solace.

the rhythm of your heart
ii find beating in my chest
my arms full of memories
and longing for longer minutes.
in this place i find solace.

the comfort of the carpet
beneath the bed you lay.
if i hold my breath
i can hear you breathe.
if i strain my eyes
i can see your beauty
if i lick my lips
i can taste your scent
if i reach out
i can caress your skin
staying away from you hurts
and it is more painful to be this close.
im risking my sanity, just to see your smile
and losing my mind everytime you call.
each embrace, burns more than the last.
and time, i wish it wouldnt pass.
until i completely fail, whenever my heart dies
for your love, continuosly i'll try.
even if it takes years for you to love me again
my heart, my soul, gladly accepts this pain.
until then, ill marvel at your eloquence.
because in this madness, is my solace.

Love in a Box.

In a velvet lined box
softly placed was love.
it was laid delicately there
in a haven only for it.
Its life holding one by thin strings
strong yet weak.
In a velvet lined box
all the hopes and dreams
we shared; shattered.
we placed the broken pieces of our paradise
In a velvet lined box
the end of us hid.
shielding us from the end.
protecting or love.
under our hurt and tears.
In a velvet lined box
we left pieces behind.

&& with our love locked inside a box.
&& with the key that you hold.
&& with my heart you captured.

ii hold on to the small strands that you allow me to keep of you.